FYI – there is a genetic fault in the male specie, approach with caution if at all.

If your other half ever says these things to you, do not take them as being totally true, regardless of how many times you ask them to be completely honest with you and even if they make you promise never to lie to them:

• You’re really special to me.
• I’m so excited to see you tomorrow.
• I’m in this for the longrun.
• If we’re talking about commitment, I’m there.
• I’m so relaxed around you.
• I’ve got issues, but I want us to be together, please be patient.
• I have no intention of messing this up again.
• I’ve missed you so much.

Having given Mr Dark Horse a second chance I am now massively regretting my decision.  It came with the usual level of BS; I really want us to be friends, I don’t want to be with anyone right now, blah blah blah.  Less than two hours previously everything was fine, he had even told me how much he was looking forward to seeing me.  So what happened in those two hours? According to him – nothing.  We had spent the weekend together and everything had been fine, great even.  We usually get highjacked when we go out so we decided to finally spend the evening in together just the two of us.  He cooked, we watched a film, perfect.  However, there is something fundamental that happened and it caused him to end it.  What was it?

I’ve reached the drunken stage of sarcastic curiosity now, I’m temporarily moving on from anger!  He made me watch rubbish TV at the start of the evening – surely that’s reason for me to finish it – maybe I criticised his favourite presenter, maybe I he gets weirded out by people who hardly talk over films, maybe our discussion about supernoodles made him realise our different choices of flavour constituted irreconcilable differences.  I’ll never know, and the reason I’ll never know is because he’s refusing to tell me.  All he’ll say is ‘something changed’.  I went from being the fun girlfriend who made him feel like he was on top of the world to being an ex.  He once said he loved how considerate I am and how I remember all the little details.  Well, he’ll get quite a shock next week when a bottle of champagne turns up on his doorstep congratulating him on his new job… this isn’t me being a weird stalker, I ordered it last week and the company won’t cancel the order!

I’m so angry.  I’m angry with myself for falling for it again – believing it when he called me special, believing it when he said we belonged together.  The other part is angry with him – I don’t believe him.  I can’t believe he can just turn his feelings off like that, suddenly not feel anything for me and want to be on his own.  Either way he’s lying, whether it was then or now.  I want this to be a glitch, I want him to wake up in the morning and realise he’s made a mistake.  Why did he spend two days begging me to take him back only to end it a few weeks later?  So many questions and I don’t even think he knows the answer.

Still, could be worse, he could have slept with the bridesmaid.

Wow - he's worse than me...!

I've decided to bite the bullet and see how things go with Mr Dark Horse.  It was actually the day after my last post that I got 'the phone call'.  We had been texting all day about life in general and the size of his hangover when I noticed the texts were beginning to skirt an issue.  He never came out and said he'd reconsidered our friendship, but there were definitely hints of that kind.  Shortly before midnight I broached the subject - what's going on? I'd sent him a birthday card for his 30th and apparently that was enough to metaphorically (or metaphysically, I'm not sure) smack him in the face and realise what he'd thrown away.  I'd looked for a card that summed him up and couldn't find one, so I got out some card and scissors and went back to play school to make him one - it was brilliant - full of pictures of the stupid conversations we'd had, a photo of his new car, favourite film, the news headline the day he was born, I liked it.  Thinking no more about it, other than to think it could be seen as slightly lame, I sent it.  To me, it wasn't a big deal, I do that sort of thing for my friends; I did it for my friend from uni last month, for another's engagement, one year I made everyone's Christmas card (I'd just discovered Photoshop).

But enough of the card tangent.  Mr Dark Horse said he missed me, he didn't realise how much until he got my card.  He spent the next few minutes apologising for being an idiot (the 2am Christmas Day saga) and explaining why he was such an idiot.  He put so much effort into the apology it seemed rude not to hear him out.  It was a bit of a realisation for me too though.  I really missed him too.  Yes, he really upset me at Christmas, but everyone can make a mistake and he wants to make up for it.  He's funny and interesting and ok, wears odd clothes, but at least I can steal his superhero t-shirts!!  I've decided to just go for it; he's taking the lead and I'm fine with that.

The new and slightly odd situation is the question of how quickly we should be moving our relationship on.  We've covered the girlfriend/boyfriend status thing - he made it very clear we're serious.  Unfortunately Mr Dark Horse has a tiny reputation for being a bit of a womaniser, therefore we are taking things very slowly.  When I say slowly, I mean dead from the neck down! I understand why he doesn't want to rush things, of course I do, but we've been friends for seven months, we've got to know each other pretty well, we've even (technically) had our first argument.  He says he doesn't want to mess things up and that he's serious about the two of us having a future together.  I'm having to show a lot of self-control; I really like him and I've never dated someone who cared enough to wait, it has always been down to me how quickly things go....

THAT'S IT!  It's always been me who calls the shots, now I'm faced with someone who's been messed around more times than me, who's been hurt worse than me and who has made more mistakes than me.  That's why this feels so strange.  I'm actually in a relationship with someone who wants to get this right.  Maybe I'm finally growing up?!