"Sex sells"... apparently!

My friend has just revealed he may be in love with a new R'N'B singer.  The problem being she's a complete skank!  That is the only word to describe her look - she's filthy, I mean actually dirty, she needs a good shower!  She also grinds at most opportunities and grabs herself, talking about what she does to her men (yes, apparently pleural), what they do to her, what she does to herself and the rest is a tad too graphic to go into.

The point is not to slag this girl off, although clearly I judge her, but to use her as an example of what women have become.  Apparently in order to be sexy I need to dress like a man, sleep around, grind up against motorbikes, not wash for a few weeks, smear my eyeliner and lipstick and wear fingerless gloves.  Yet, I also know that while I may attract a man for the night, he will never marry me or allow me to raise his children.  In order to do that, I need to be organised, beautiful, intelligent, well built (think child-bearing hips), funny, sensitive, maternal, caring and patient (the last two being essential for dealing with man-flu).

So what's going on?  Why are so many beautiful and talented women resorting to cheap tricks and promises of sexual encounters (that will never happen outside of some bloke's imagination) in order to make money and gain power.  It confuses me - did that woman throw herself under the King's horse for no reason at all?  Did we not fight for equal pay and conditions in our workplaces?  Did we not rebelliously wear trousers at school in order to play football?  Why did we fight for the right to be treated the same as men if we are willing to sack it all off in an instant in order to manipulate them into doing exactly what we want?  Have we realised we're not good enough?  Have we realised we need our sexuality to use a weapon?  I hope not.  But then am I as guilty as them?  Yes, I work hard, yes, I try my best, yes, I always deliver what I promise.  But, when I ask a guy in a bar if I can 'steal this chair' I always flash him an enormous smile and soften my voice, slightly leaning forward and (I'm ashamed to say) putting a hand on my hip.  Sometimes, I do it without noticing, but also, it's sometimes planned!  If my boiler breaks, I'll be ever so sweet, innocent and helpless until the engineer agrees to make me a priority.

I may not use man-like, aggressive, sexual energy to get what I want in life, but writing this, I've realised I do the exact same thing in a different way.  I use my 'womanly-ways' to manipulate men.  So, lets change this title... "sex sells" - yes, in lots of different ways.  "Men are the weaker sex"? - definitely!

The Beginning of the Beginning.

This morning, for the first time in weeks, I woke up happy.  I didn't jump out of bed after 3hrs sleep and clean the flat (the usual weekend routine), I didn't throw on the laptop and immediately start planning work I've already planned; plan B in case plan A goes wrong! It's the first time in ages I've woken up relaxed and stayed that way.  Right now I'm making an enormous dinner, that will also serve as lunch tomorrow, it's taking ages and I don't care.  Good news already that I'm eating again; food is the first thing to stop when I'm stressed - although must be careful I still get into my Karen Milan dress!

I spent the whole of last night talking to JP about absolutely nothing! Well, not quite nothing, but a large proportion of it was rubbish.  We did the usual work, family, friends, life in general then the conversation led on to absolute rubbish just because we wanted to talk.  I haven't talked in ages - I don't mean I've gone for selective mutism or anything, I've just not had the patience for inane chit chat - if you want to say something, say it, if not shut up coz your voice is irritating me.  Oh yes, I've been a delight to live with!  I need to start doing the things I enjoy again; I'm back at the gym, I'm cooking, I'm seeing my friends and family more, it's a small start, but a start nonetheless.  My next mission will be going up to Glasgow to see my best friend over Easter (that reminds me, I need to check flights).


It was all looking a bit dim, but now a tiny little light is getting through.  We'll see...