What does 'coping' mean?

Over the last few weeks I’ve considered myself ok, not brilliant, but ok, to the 
question ‘are you coping?’ I would say yes!  To me, coping is when you just get on 
with it, it does not interfere with my day to day life, I’m not sitting in the corner 
rocking backwards and forwards and I don’t curl up in the foetal position half way 
through the day.  Yes, I am coping.  So why have I been told I’m cold hearted, 
emotionally detached and devoid of basic human feeling by close members of my 
family?  My sister cries.  All the time.  Any opportunity.  She’s very ‘open’ with her 
feelings and doesn’t appear to be able to stop herself.  In my opinion, she’s not 
coping particularly well (see the above checklist and she pretty much ticks all 
boxes).  

So this begs the question, what does ‘coping’ mean?  I don’t actually know 
anymore, I thought by putting a brave face on the situation and getting on with my 
job was coping, but now I know everyone has been looking at me from a distance 
and saying ‘she’s not coping’.  Granted, I’ve lived on a diet of multivitamins and an 
apple for the last two weeks, because it’s the only thing I can stomach (good news, 
I’m in my Karen Millan dress – new year’s resolution 1 – check), I have tablets to 
make me sleep, tablets to wake me up and tablets to counter the side effects (if I 
turn around quickly I rattle), I tried to do two things at once yesterday and realised I 
couldn’t remember my own name and trying to choreograph a routine for work was 
like trying to do 1967/9.8 without a calculator!  My brain and body appear to be 
giving up, that’s down to the lack of food and sleep, but emotionally and mentally I 
think I’m fairly sane.  Is it that my sister’s constant tears and ability to discuss her 
fears are a sign of her coping and not her breaking down, whereas my brave face is 
a clear sign that I’ve lost the plot?  Who knows?  Right now, I’m doing what I do to 
survive, I’m reassuring people that I’m fine and (against my better judgement and 
the many voices in my head) I’m talking about how rubbish this situation is.  It turns 
out I’ve caused more worry than anyone else, so now to the damage control…

In the days between writing this and uploading it, you’ll be pleased to know I did 
successful have a total meltdown!  After handing in the surgery paperwork to 
Mum’s doctor, I sat on the carpark pavement and sobbed; the kind of sobbing 
where you can’t breath!  It turns out everyone was right, I wasn’t coping at all, I was 
hiding everything behind my flawless brave face, which spectacularly cracked 
yesterday!  I phoned my sister (the normal one, not the emotional one) and poured 
out all my panic, she was relieved, I was relieved and so now when anyone asks if 
I’m coping, my genuine response is yes/no/not right now/almost/yes, but don’t 
hug me!!

Phew!