Don't think I don't love you because I didn't look back, it's because I didn't want you to see me crying.

"When you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as quickly as possible."
                           - When Harry Met Sally
You love me.  You miss me.  You think about me all the time.  How can you tell me you love me and be with another woman? How can you love me and be with another woman?  Truth is, you don't.  You may miss me, you may think about me, but that's not love.  Do you remember what love is? Do you have any idea how I feel?  Do you remember when we first met?  Do you remember the first words you said to me?  Do you know I told my friend I've just met the man I'm going to marry?  Do you know that I mean what I say when I say it?  Do you know I don't believe you any more?  Do you know that last night you broke me?

You annoy me so much sometimes.  You forget everything I say, you forget all the important things to me. We can be talking for an hour before you say "how are you?"  You don't wash up until the next morning.  You leave stuff all over the place.  You're obsessed with the latest gadget.  You think salary is a measure of success.  Do you think I'm successful?  You have the most ridiculous numberplate ever invented.  You never commit till the last minute then claim to be a planner.  You're stubborn and will not give up... ever.  You spend loads of time on really pointless tasks.

But, for some reason you've been in my life for two years now and I can't let you go.  Because as well as all the stuff that winds me up, you're also the most generous, caring, thoughtful person I know.  You don't take any of my excuses/lies/sh*t, basically.  You think I can do anything and never doubt me, even when I massively doubt myself.  You make me want to be better.  You put up with my sarcasm.  You let me duck out of awkward conversations until I really need to face them.  You laugh at my stupid jokes.  You trust me.  You know when I need a hug.  Your smile makes me smile.  I can spot you in a bar in seconds.  You make me laugh more than anyone in the world (except maybe, Michael McIntyre).  You're my favourite person to be with.

I have no idea if I love you.  I'm still waiting for the madness to stop so I can get my life back on track and remember my own name.  I know I want you around.  I know I've missed you so much, everyday is like a new mission to stay away from you.  I know how I feel when we're together.  Some days I wish we'd never met.

You told me you love me, then you met someone else.  What? Why? How?  Last night I told you I never want to see you again.  I told you it was self-preservation.  I told you I hated you.  I meant every word, regardless of how much it hurt to say them.  I hope I don't love you.  I hope this isn't how it feels.  I hope it's better.  I hope the man who loves me, loves me, and doesn't just say the words.

I left you this morning and I'm not coming back.  It's going to hurt to do it, but I have to.  I'm going to slowly put myself back together and remember that I'm the strongest person in the world.  I've come through worse times than this and I've been hurt more badly than what you've done.  I've rebuilt my life before and I'll do it again.  I may be on my own, but I'm all I need.  But, understand that when you watched me walk away, don't think I don't love you because I didn't look back, it's because I didn't want you to see me crying.