Goodbye.

So I took the love of my life to my best friend's wedding at the weekend. We had a fabulous time; she looked gorgeous, the photographer was brilliant, food was unbelievable, venue was perfect - easily the best wedding of all time! I've known the bride for 18yrs so we're pretty close and I've known her bridesmaid for 4yrs; we're all very similar so hit it off straight away and the rest is history.

History being a literal term when I walked in on the aforementioned love of my life with the bridesmaid. Having followed mine and JP's relationship for the past few months (and possibly the 2yrs before that), I've no doubt you're screaming dump the b***ard and key his car while you're at it!  Well, that's exactly what I did (well, not the car bit).  After such a brilliant day; sun shining, dancing continually to every song and managing not to cry at the speeches, luckily the "incident" happened at the end of the night and it was for my eyes only. I got to our hotel room, changed while sobbing on the phone to my sister (who after a quick calculation worked out she was still well under the limit), and got the hell out of there without the bride seeing me - yes, it included shimmying down the fire escape!

After an incredibly long argument, I finally made it clear that never wanting to see him again also includes speaking, texting, listening to and ever being within 100metres of each other.  He also now understands that telling me he loves me and hooking up with my friend within a 3minute window is not a smart move.  I think my feelings can be summarised in my re-titling of the well known book "Women are from Venus, Men are from Dante's Ninth Circle of Hell".

I have several targets for the next few months: stop crying (I'm the least emotional person I know and yet a complete wreck for the past 24hrs), remember all the reasons why he's the scum of the earth, realise that everything he told me was a complete lie and that he is the idiot, not me, stay sane, keep in touch with family and friends who have the same low opinion of him and then eventually, forget he ever existed!

Steps to recovery...
(Updated as they happen)

Day 1:

• Accept that you will not stop crying and so don't bother putting your mascara back on.
• Accept that it's ok to sit in your PJ's with a bottle of wine and a corkscrew then cry into the empty glass.
• Do Look Back in Anger - he said some awful things - write them down while you remember them.
• Realise you made a mistake by thinking he's the only man in the world.

Day 2:

• Get your arse in the gym to work out your anger (plus it realises good mood hormones - that's as scientific as I get).
• Remember: how much he hated your job/that he always told you you're wrong/that he made you feel so stupid at times/that he told you you were thinner when you met while looking at you in your favourite dress (when actually you were 1/2 stone heavier)/that he's obsessed with money and honestly believes it's a measure of success/plus any other crap thing he said to you.
• You may still cry, but only for the next 12hrs so time yourself!

Day 3:

• Ok it's time to stop crying for good! He's not worth the dehydration!
• Acknowledge the positive things about him, but always tie them in with the many fatal floors. ie. Yes, he'd make a brilliant Dad, but he'd also make a terrible husband, so stop letting your ovaries do the thinking.
• Don't be around happy couples - it resembles being drop-kicked in the stomach into a brick wall!
• Don't be around miserable couples - you do not EVER want to be referred to as "the bitter one" or "the man hater".
• Realise he is a one-off and that there are lots of genuinely good men out there, you've just been really REALLY unlucky!
• For christ's sake start eating again. Consuming 500calories in 3days while also hitting the gym may give you a flat stomach, but it will also give you bad skin and black eyes.

Day 4:

• Talking of black eyes, insomnia is proving a problem as you swerve to avoid the central reservation (again). Go to the pharmacy and get some sleeping tablets.
• DO NOT PHONE HIM.
• DO NOT "DRUNKENLY" TEXT HIM.
• If you do feel the need to contact him, email your sister instead, she's already promised to delete anything titled "JP" without reading it. It makes you feel better and you are safe in the knowledge that he never received it and your sister is still ignorant to your insanely irrational ravings.

Day 5:

• It's time to check the talent! Yes, it may seem a bit early, but it's important to realise he's not the only man in the world or indeed the most gorgeous/intelligent man in the world. It's time to go ahead and start comparing!
• Get active. Join a club, join the gym, join everything going. Get out there and meet people, don't ditch your old friends, that's never a good option, but make new ones, they'll remind you you're not grotesque!
• Make a massive change. Your car, your hair colour, both?! Think Sliding Doors - Gwyneth looked so much cuter with cropped hair.

Day 6:

• It may be time to stop talking about him. Yep, it's a toughie, but you've spoken about him everyday to the point where you're sick of your own stories!
• Have a random night out. It may be at the local pub, you might end up singing round Covent Garden. Grab your friend(s) - it only takes one - and have a night out. Wear your favourite outfit and be a social butterfly while strutting your stuff.

Day 7:

• Don't Get Mad, Get Over It!
• Move on. He broke your heart and you'll probably relapse every now and then.  But remember how he treated you, how he humiliated you, how he let you down and disrespected you. 

I'm so much better than JP. I would never betray my best friend, I'd never think of hurting him. He never deserved me or what I gave him. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I'd have done more and given him more. Yes, some may call me a mug because of it, but when I look back over the past 2years, I wouldn't have done anything differently. I've realised I was right all along; when I love, I love more than anything, I don't hate for long, but I hurt for months.

Think Adele - "The scars of your love remind me of us, They keep me thinking that we almost had it all". You lost me, JP. And you're going to miss me more than I miss you!