The Other Woman

"I'm sorry." That's what the bitch said. At my best friend's birthday, the bitch who slept with my boyfriend tells me she's sorry.  At least she'd waited until I was half way down the road after the party had ended.
"No you're not."
"What? I am. I'm sorry."
"No. You're not. Sorry is the easiest word in the world to say and the hardest to mean. So don't insult my intelligence by pretending you mean it."
She doesn't understand.

"Do you have any idea the guts it took me to get here today? The guts it took to walk through that door and see everyone who was at the wedding, everyone who knows he arrived with me and left with you? And why? Because you're better than me? Because you're easy? Because he instantly fell in love with you at first sight? The stupid thing is, I've considered all these possibilities, but actually, no one is thinking that, no one is judging me for what you two did, because these are my friends, and 18years of friendship counts for more than a quick fumble.
"You're not sorry, because you don't think you did anything wrong. When I saw you kiss him, I told you how it felt, I told you he'd just metaphorically punched me in the stomach. You carried on. You looked me in the eye and said you're sorry, you looked me in the eye and said you hated yourself for being 'one of those girls'.  Then you slept with him.

"Don't you dare tell me you're sorry. Don't you dare try and make me forgive you.  You know he told me he loved me just before he took you to bed?  Didn't you?  Would that have made a difference? You certainly knew I loved him.  And I actually think he meant it too, I think he did love me. I think you were a quick fix, something new seeing as though I'd walked out on him.

"Has he called you, by the way? He hasn't? There's a surprise.  I saw that one coming, because he's incredibly shallow - most men carry photos of their children/friends in their wallet, he carries photos of his car!  You see, I know him.  You think you meant anything to him? You're naïve.  Brighton from London is too much effort.  Do you even know his surname?  Do you know he refuses to acknowledge his middle name coz it's his Dad's? Do you know why he hates his Dad so much? Do you know he always wanted to be in the RAF but failed the recruitment because of his eyesight?  That's because you meant nothing to him.  That's what 2yrs of friendship brings you.  I mattered.  However much he f***ed up, I mattered to him.

"So, now you are 'one of those girls'.  You are someone women talk about behind their backs, you are kept away from husbands. You think the people inside look at you in the same way? You think our best friend doesn't wonder if you'll try it on with her husband now? You think Kate doesn't wonder about Jack? You think Sophie doesn't watch whenever you talk to Steve?  It says nothing about the men; if JP can tell me he loves me the day before I meet his family, tell me in all sincerity that we'll be together forever, then sleep with you, who knows what tricks you'll pull on them.  They may like you, but they'll never trust you.  You see, it's a double standard, the oldest known.  Men can sleep around and call it 'wild oat sowing', but women who do are considered whores!  It's not particularly fair, but it's the way society works. ie. You don't sleep with the man your friend's in love with - it's just not bridesmaid etiquette!  (JP is certainly not blameless, in fact if you think this rant is bad, you should hear what I've said to him!) 

"When you go back inside and everyone turns to look at you, ask yourself this, was sex with a complete stranger worth it?"

As I walked away I wished to anyone who was listening that I'd never taken JP to the wedding. I wished I'd never agreed to meet his family.  I wished I'd never gone to bed with him believing everything he said.  I wished I'd never fallen in love with him.  I wished he'd never walked into the office that day and said "what are you doing in here?"  I wish I'd never met him.