A year ago today I was dancing the night away at my friend's wedding. It was such a great day, I remember it as if it were yesterday, and today they celebrate their first anniversary. All day I've been looking back and comparing then and now: at 12.15pm I looked at my watch and remembered that JP and I were on our way to the hotel - him determined he knew the way, me allowing him to lead, despite the fact that I knew a shorter route! At 2pm I remembered how we were stood in the bar chatting to a girl I went to school with and the impending birth of her second child. Now here I am at 8.30pm thinking about the endless drinking, dancing and giggling that went on all night.
Well, almost all night.
In four hours I will remember the moment I walked in on JP and the bridesmaid in bed together in our hotel room. I cannot believe it's been a whole year. I still can't believe how calm I was. When I look back I see myself screaming and throwing things and doing some sort of Platoon- tribute, but there was none of that. I excused myself and went into the en-suite telling the bitch to get dressed on the way. I remember her telling me nothing happened... really? I remember having to climb down the fire escape steps so that I didn't pass the bride or any of the other guests as I left. I remember JP leaving me sobbing in the car park, having completely destroyed my faith in humanity, in love, in friendship and ultimately, in him. That was the last time I saw him and the last time I spoke to him. I didn't think I'd ever get over him, I thought that was it, I'd lost the love of my life and I was going to be forever alone destined, as Bridget Jones said, to die alone and be found months later half eaten by alsatians.
This year has been a roller coaster and so much has happened to prove to myself that I really can do anything and that JP wasn't the love of my life after all. This year I've bought a house, been promoted and realised that it's actually ok to judge someone before you get to know them as long as you admit when that judgement is wrong. I am me: I am determined, I am happy, I am judgemental, I am caring, I am guarded, I am responsible, I am indecisive, I am energetic, I am independent, I am loyal and one day I will find someone who loves and hates all of those things, but above all, I am worth waiting for and I am not willing to settle for second best.
About Me
- Pixie
- How many times have you wanted to escape to the bottom of the garden and disappear inside your imagination? Well, I've wanted to every since I started school and I doubt I was the only little girl with a fully furnished 'camp' behind the garden shed. Hence how I got the nickname Pixie, and strangely, it's followed me around for the last 20 years. Of course, every now and then even Pixies must emerge into the real world, but the real one's never stop venturing back to camp. So, here's what I've discovered on my travels so far...
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